he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
even my farts smell like vagina
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Life is so much better after having sex.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
