For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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