you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
