peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
