Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
