I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
