Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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