He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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