is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
