did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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