JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
