There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
