were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
