Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
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Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
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