the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
she peed on how many people?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
