you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
