I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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