You're completely useless in the revolution.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
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She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
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It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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