WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
