So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
