I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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