Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
