I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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