Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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