my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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