We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
