Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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