Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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