Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
