I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
