I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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