i don't like sucking hair
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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