the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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