Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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