Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
