She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
