and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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