My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
