wakey wakey hands off snakey
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
