You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
