well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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