I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
