I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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