i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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