it wasn't lemon gatorade
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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