Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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