I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
