Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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