She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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