I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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