What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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