a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
