Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
