i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Randomize
