I am in a vortex of obligation.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
