I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
