My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
