i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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