they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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