Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
All I want is dick and wine.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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