how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
