Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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