you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
