somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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