I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
