ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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