just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
