Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
