turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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