Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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