My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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