Yo dont text me then not text me
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Randomize
