Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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