Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
