i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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