he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
