My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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