Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
