wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
