Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
