You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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