His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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